I just started reading a book called Undefended Love  by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons, which is a beautiful book about building deeper intimacy, understanding and closeness in relationships, romantic and otherwise.  Something I read in the first chapter has really stuck with me: 

“If you want to see what’s possible, how you can love another without reservation, all you have to do is imagine that your partner has contracted a deadly disease and you only have six months left together.  What kind of person do you want to be in the remaining time you have with one another?” 

I don’t know about you, but that’s something I never like to think about or imagine about my loved ones, which is why I think the question is so profound.  So often, we get so entrenched in our need to be right, or our need to control, or our need to have things our way that we end up alienating the people we love most and who love us most.  For me, those three things (needing to be right, be in control, and have things my way) would be the things I would want to change about myself.  And of course, I don’t have to wait.  I can start TODAY! 

What kind of person would you want to be if you ever learned you only have six months to spend with someone you love?  What would you become more or less of?  Are YOU ready to start today?

Earlier this year, I was on the east coast for book signing events and time to visit with family.  One day, my eight-year-old nephew, Dylan, and I were watching television.  One of those anti-smoking commercials came on (the one where someone is in a rat costume, crawls out of a subway, and then writhes on the ground…making the point that cigarettes have rat poison in them). My nephew, in his best eight-year-old tone that was innocent and petulant at the same time, asked, “What is he doing?”  As I explained that the man in the rat costume was making a point that cigarettes are bad for people and can make them sick, Dylan said, “Well, then the people who make cigarettes should just stop making them!”  

Personally, I think he has a point, though having watched someone I deeply care about struggle to quit smoking for the last several years, I know it’s not quite that simple.  If you know anyone who is trying to quit smoking, be a face of encouragement for them.  Send them cards or emails when they hit a milestone, even if it’s just one day without a cigarette.  Treat them to dinner or a movie if they make it a month.  And if they do fall off the wagon, encourage them to keep trying instead of making them feel even worse.  This is one area our loved ones need all the support they can get. 

Are you able to give it to them?

For more information, visit www.americanlegacy.org, an organization whose mission is to build a world where young people reject tobacco and anyone can quit!

My sister has always been one of those people who shops ahead for the holidays.  She somehow manages to have everyone’s gift bought and wrapped before I’ve barely managed to register that it’s December, and this year is no different than any other year.  So, with two days to go before Christmas, my shopping is still not done.  But thankfully, my brilliant friend Jyn once shared an idea for the perfect “Love Gift”…one we can give any day of the year!   

When Jyn’s step mother, Jody, was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple years ago, Jyn wanted to send Jody something to encourage her and also show her how grateful she was for all the times Jody had supported her.  Jyn couldn’t think of anything she and her husband, Steve, could buy to show Jody how much she meant to them, so she decided to fill a small photo album with encouraging words and pictures from family and friends so Jody would have something to look through whenever she needed a boost (and especially when those chemo days were particularly rough).  Jyn’s “Love Gift” (as Jody later called it) is something a fully-recovered Jody still treasures and looks through today!

Helen Keller made one of the greatest observations ever when she said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”  Whether you have time to get a bunch of cards and pictures from other people, or you make an album for a loved one that contains great stuff all from you, you can do so anytime, in any way, and without any budget constraints.  You can also do so without needing a reason, diagnosis, or holiday.

A few days ago, I got an email from my friend Jyn, whose super-busy schedule always has room in it to help a friend in need.  It turns out one of our mutual friends, Meagan… who you can read more about in the Doing for the World chapter and who is still doing amazing things with schools and AIDS education in Tanzania, Africa…was recently robbed at gunpoint.  Thankfully, Meagan and her roommate weren’t harmed, but nearly everything they had was stolen.

Jyn is never one to sit still (I’ve always wished I had just half of her energy), or sit by and do nothing.  She decided there was something she could do for Meagan despite the fact that they are continents apart from each other.  Jyn decided to raise money to help Meagan replace what was stolen by organizing a raffle that will be held in late December.  Right now, she’s in the process of gathering items and services that can be raffled off.  Email me if there’s anything YOU are able to donate and I’ll put you in touch with her! 

Meagan has spent the last several years of her life building schools for orphans in Africa, many of whom are HIV positive.  She’s always said that all children deserve an education, no matter how long they may live.  I guess it’s no surprise that a beautiful person like Meagan, a person who so easily helps others, would have a beautiful friend like Jyn who is so ready to help her during her time of need.