A Doing for Myself Story

For as long as she can remember, Karyn has been putting other people before herself. Like many teenagers who spent years feeling that Dad “just didn’t understand,” she left home at eighteen to ride off into the sunset with the first Prince Charming who came along. Unfortunately, Karyn’s Mr. Charming turned out to be anything but that.

Karyn put her boyfriend’s needs before her own for the better part of a year, even quitting her own job (at his insistence) after he lost his job and couldn’t bear to be less than her in any way. Just after she’d finally gained the courage (and felt safe enough) to leave him, she found out she was pregnant. Her son, Ryan, was born six months later. Karyn was twenty years old.

Between school, a job, a new baby, and a new boyfriend (who was more like a second child than a grownup), taking time for herself was something Karyn didn’t have any time to think about, let alone do. That was all the more true after she got married and gave birth to twin girls . . . and even more so after she divorced and found herself caring for three kids on her own. Most days, the best thing Karyn could do for herself and her kids was making sure they survived.

All that changed when someone asked Karyn some questions she’ll never forget: “How are your kids going to view the way you treat yourself and implement that into their lives? What is your son learning about valuing women? What are your girls learning about valuing themselves?”

That’s when Karyn realized she’d learned to put other people first after years of watching her mom (like so many moms) do just that. The more Karyn thought about it, the more she realized that she didn’t want her kids to end up in the women-always-come-last caboose. She realized she did not want her girls to become women who always waited until after everyone else had eaten to eat, or walked by the shiny-happy-sparkly item on the shelf thinking, If only that could be for me.

Karyn decided it was time to teach her kids a new habit. She began treating herself to something she really wanted (versus needed) with every paycheck she received, even if that something was as simple as a new pair of underpants or as special as time for her favorite dance class at the gym. Even though the habit was harder to stick to than a new exercise routine at first, the words “I matter” soon became Karyn’s new theme. She realized once and for all that taking time for herself is a habit that neither she nor her kids . . . nor any woman . . . should ever live without!

Wouldn’t Your Life Be a Better Place If . . .

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Take her advice and stop consenting to being overworked, used, abused, dumped on, or less than in anyway. You will have much more fun when you join with Aretha and claim the R-E-S-P-E-C-T you deserve.